Saturday, February 15, 2014

Tipsy’s V-Day Shenanigans…. Steps 10-15


Well steps 10-15 left me feeling wound up and used…. The organizers got the ladies all psyched for a night out and then leave you feeling like you just slept with a guy you’d been wanting for a long time only to find out he’s not the stud you thought he was, he's got the rhythm of a slab of wood, fumbling around like a noob and leaving you completely unsatisfied and bordering on pissed off.

As asked… I got dolled up and shimmied into my dress, got in my car and picked up my hesitant friend. Mind you, this is the crazy lady who had me sign up for this little challenge in the first place. Once we reached the designated bar we were split into groups of 4, and told that we would be competing against each other in a race. The prize was a GC of our choice and a night of free drinks. My group consisted of myself, my friend, a blonde I’ll call Sparkles due to her dress and Zing who has pink and purple hair <3. Honestly the girls were awesome and I couldn’t have asked for a better team.

With our list in hand, technologic list, but a list none the less we set out on the streets of South Beach. And as many of you know, I got to work in this lively area not long ago, spending so much time there it's become my second home. 

Now my lovelies, keep in mind that while we waited for said list I may or may not have had a drink or too (please drink responsibly) and my mind couldn’t understand why the header of out list said Final 6 steps when it clearly said steps 10-15…. This is most definitely a hashtag worthy moment so I’ll save you the trouble #StupidTipsy. For some reason I kept thinking it should have been 5 steps and yet every time I counted it lol it was 6.

It took a good while before my mind could compute the significance of the zero in 10… Realizing a little late that it was not a 1 – 5 scenario and most definitely a 0-5 deal meaning that there were in fact 6 steps. It was NOT my proudest moment.

Our list include the stereotypical steps that ever street contest has.
Step 10: Buy 3 packs of condoms. Ladies make sure they are ribbed for her pleasure.

Step 11: Find a semi crowded area; concoct a scene in which one of you is a nympho whose date ditched her. As caring ‘friends’, the remaining 3 girls will find 2 happy couples and give them the packs of condoms the final packs should be used for dramatic affect.

Step 12: Using video clips, find and record each girl using the corny and most times inappropriate pick-up lines men use on us.

And lastly steps 13 – 15 were of the scavenger hunt variety. Follow this clue to that clue and bada bing bada boom you arrive at your destination… First group there wins. The hunt was also sickeningly easy…

So lets be honest… my sass can only last so long and I laugh way too easily so I was most definitely not the nympho tantrum girl. ::sigh:: There goes my dreams of being on film. I left that coveted title to my super crazy yet oddly shy bestie who for the sake of this post we will call Twin. Twin got to be the very sultry, totally whiny pain in the ass who stomped her feet and complained about the imaginary guy who ditched her horny ass at the restaurant.

Omg, I love her cause she most definitely embellished and wove an intricate tale of this imaginary dinner date and all the embarrassingly naughty things she told him before he dipped. You’d think she was the writer in this relationship instead of me… a smutty writer ;) I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. But sadly… other than the tantrum she threw and the box she ripped in anger there is really nothing worth blogging about. The couples accepted the condoms from us with the advice of “the best gift you could give her” and bright cheeks and Twin did a spectacular job.

Did I mention that I love this bitch… no? well I do.

As for the pick up lines… they got us number all right lol.

Meet our Corniness!

Me: If I get hooked on you, will you hook up with me?
Twin: Is your dad a lumber jack because every time I look at you i get a wood in my pants.
Sparkles: If you were a booger, I’d pick you first
Zing: I've got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

As for the scavenger hunt, it took us all of 15 minutes to find all the clues and enter the VIP section. We didn’t win but we didn’t lose. It was a tie between our group and another but Twin took advantage of the free drinks and left me standing there as chaperone since there was no tie breaker planned. She is not a drinker and she can’t hold her liquor lol so lets just say that she didn’t last long and I ended up taking care of her and almost shucking my beloved dress. Thank God for DryCleaners J

Like I said… completely unsatisfying, underwhelming, and anticlimactic.

Hopefully the following V Day will be more awe inspiring lol.

Thanks for stopping by,