Well steps 10-15 left me feeling wound up and used…. The
organizers got the ladies all psyched for a night out and then leave you
feeling like you just slept with a guy you’d been wanting for a long time only
to find out he’s not the stud you thought he was, he's got the rhythm of a slab of wood, fumbling around like a noob
and leaving you completely unsatisfied and bordering on pissed off.
As asked… I got dolled up and shimmied into my dress, got in
my car and picked up my hesitant friend. Mind you, this is the crazy lady who
had me sign up for this little challenge in the first place. Once we reached
the designated bar we were split into groups of 4, and told that we would be
competing against each other in a race. The prize was a GC of our choice and a
night of free drinks. My group consisted of myself, my friend, a blonde I’ll
call Sparkles due to her dress and Zing who has pink and purple hair <3.
Honestly the girls were awesome and I couldn’t have asked for a better team.
With our list in hand, technologic list, but a list none the
less we set out on the streets of South Beach. And as many of you know, I got to work in this lively area not long ago, spending so much time there it's become my second home.
Now my lovelies, keep in mind
that while we waited for said list I may or may not have had a drink or too
(please drink responsibly) and my mind couldn’t understand why the header of
out list said Final 6 steps when it clearly said steps 10-15…. This is most
definitely a hashtag worthy moment so I’ll save you the trouble #StupidTipsy.
For some reason I kept thinking it should have been 5 steps and yet every time
I counted it lol it was 6.
It took a good while before my mind could compute the
significance of the zero in 10… Realizing a little late that it was not a 1 – 5
scenario and most definitely a 0-5 deal meaning that there were in fact 6 steps.
It was NOT my proudest moment.
Our list include the stereotypical steps that ever street
contest has.
Step 10: Buy 3 packs of condoms. Ladies make sure they are
ribbed for her pleasure.
Step 11: Find a semi crowded area; concoct a scene in which
one of you is a nympho whose date ditched her. As caring ‘friends’, the
remaining 3 girls will find 2 happy couples and give them the packs of condoms
the final packs should be used for dramatic affect.
Step 12: Using video clips, find and record each girl using
the corny and most times inappropriate pick-up lines men use on us.
And lastly steps 13 – 15 were of the scavenger hunt variety.
Follow this clue to that clue and bada bing bada boom you arrive at your
destination… First group there wins. The hunt was also sickeningly easy…
So lets be honest… my sass can only last so long and I laugh
way too easily so I was most definitely not the nympho tantrum girl. ::sigh::
There goes my dreams of being on film. I left that coveted title to my super
crazy yet oddly shy bestie who for the sake of this post we will call Twin.
Twin got to be the very sultry, totally whiny pain in the ass who stomped her
feet and complained about the imaginary guy who ditched her horny ass at the restaurant.
Omg, I love her cause she most definitely embellished and
wove an intricate tale of this imaginary dinner date and all the embarrassingly
naughty things she told him before he dipped. You’d think she was the writer in
this relationship instead of me… a smutty writer ;) I had to bite the inside of
my cheek to keep from laughing. But sadly… other than the tantrum she threw and
the box she ripped in anger there is really nothing worth blogging about. The
couples accepted the condoms from us with the advice of “the best gift you
could give her” and bright cheeks and Twin did a spectacular job.
Did I mention that I love this bitch… no? well I do.
As for the pick up lines… they got us number all right lol.
Meet our Corniness!
Me: If I get
hooked on you, will you hook up with me?
Twin: Is your dad
a lumber jack because every time I look at you i get a wood in my pants.
Sparkles: If you
were a booger, I’d pick you first
Zing: I've got
skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
As for the scavenger hunt, it took us all of 15 minutes to
find all the clues and enter the VIP section. We didn’t win but we didn’t lose.
It was a tie between our group and another but Twin took advantage of the free
drinks and left me standing there as chaperone since there was no tie breaker
planned. She is not a drinker and she can’t hold her liquor lol so lets just
say that she didn’t last long and I ended up taking care of her and almost shucking
my beloved dress. Thank God for DryCleaners J
Like I said… completely unsatisfying, underwhelming, and anticlimactic.
Hopefully the following V Day will be more awe inspiring lol.
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