Wednesday, June 24, 2015

An Ode to the South Floridian Drivers


I am loud and I am crazy. I can make a grown man blush with the profanity that spews out of my mouth when I’m behind the wheel. I have a sailor’s mouth. A Hispanic sailor. I sometimes speed. And I get infuriated at bad drivers. I sometimes forget to turn on my turning signal…. Sometimes I purposely won’t use it.

Driving is a privilege not a right.

When the light is red, you stop, you do not continue on your merry way possibly killing or hurting another. 

If you’re in a rush cause you’re running late that’s not anyone’s fault but your own. Take responsibility for your actions and don’t make others pay for it.

If the speed limit is 40mph… you do not go 15mph, 20mph or even 30mph. You go 40 (ok, ok I admit I usually go 45ish) 

You DO NOT cuss me out and flip me the bird when I attempt to be nice and tell you you left your gas tank thing open.

Drivers, the turning signal IS your friend. Use it.

When a person uses a turning signal, it does not mean you become an asshat and speed up. It means ‘Hey, sorry to bother you but I really need to get to that lane’.

If you do turn into some sort of dillhole assjacket when you see someone turn on their signal… don’t be surprised when they resort to your tactics and cut your ass off… without using their signal.

It should also be said drivers, don’t wait till your turning to use a signal, we aren’t mind readers we don’t know where you are heading. And don’t turn the signal on as you cut off a driver… that’s just mean.

When driving, your vehicle should only occupy 1 lane not 2. That whole straddling a line thing, yeah that’s illegal and stupid and dangerous. You should not be swerving all willy nilly. If you do, then you should not be driving. PERIOD.

When the light is green, you put your foot on the gas and drive. You do not adjust your makeup, fix your hair, update a status or answer a text.

If you are driving, you shouldn’t be texting. If you happen to be the driver and I the passenger, if I see you text I’m liable to snatch your phone and toss it out of a window. I may or may not replace it. I have a slight problem you see, I'm a bit of a bitch and your stupidity is not my fault. You will NOT put my life at risk to further your social standing. There are other douche bags doing the same thing and if you all take your eyes off the road then there is a very good chance you will be in a collision. It’s called statistics. It’s called MURPHY’S LAW. Look it up! I have not lived through the stuff I have for your stupidity and selfishness to take that away. I will not stand, or sit in this case, idly by while you take someone else’s life away or ruin a family. It is time to grow up. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest… text messages… they will still be there when you safety reach your destination.

My fellow Hispanics… I love you and your need to embellish every story with hand waves and rolls. I can emphasis a story and hand gesture with the best of you. Actually I can probably hand gesture you under the table. I’m loud too. But that is beside the point. Bluetooth means Hands Free Calling not yell loudly and wave your hands around. YOU ARE DRIVING! KEEP YOU DAMN HANDS ON THE WHEEL.

Driving is not about impressing the lady sitting next to you, or the attractive person walking down the street. It’s about getting from point A to point B, hopefully in 1 piece.

It isn’t a popularity contest, and you won’t be so popular if your recklessness ends a life… you won’t get to bask in your social standing if that life is your own… But you will break someone’s heart. You’ll break your family’s for starters, if you die they lose you forever, that goodbye they are forced to say as they lower you into the ground is final. There will be no more 'I love yous' or hugs. If you kill or seriously injury someone else they have to say goodbye when you have to put on that jumpsuit and sit behind bars. It may not be final but you will more than likely never be the same. And you, you'll be forced to say goodbye to your innocence, you'll have to say goodbye to the carefree and you'll have to say goodbye to the time. But most importantly, if you are a decent human being who values human lives, then you'll have to say goodbye to a restful night cause what you did will always haunt you. 

I'm not a psychic. I've never injured a person while driving recklessly. I can't begin to imagine what would happen to a person is said situation. But I've seen the consequences. I've witnessed a person loose themselves to the guilt and grief. DON'T be that person. Don't put yourselves in that position. Don't put someone else in that position.

I love to sing in the car, at red lights I may more than likely be wiggling around to the beat and bobbing my head. It helps me unwind from the stress of the day. I don't care who's looking. But please don't think you're in some sort of vocal competition and forget where you are. You are driving, on a road, not Taylor Swift, Maroon 5, Drake, Juan Luis Guerra, Miranda Lambert or Falling in Reverse. Pay attention to your surroundings.

I am not a perfect driver. I am loud and I am crazy. I can make a grown man blush with the profanity that spews out of my mouth when I’m behind the wheel. My family just laughs. I have a sailor’s mouth. A Hispanic sailor. I sometimes speed. I sing loudly and possibly obnoxiously. And I get infuriated at bad drivers. I sometimes forget to use my turning signal…. Sometimes I purposely won’t use it. I’ve gotten into accidents. I’ve gotten tickets.

Driving is a privilege not a right.

Even if you piss me off and drive like a complete and utter imbecile, I still hope you make it to your destination intact.

Be smart. Be safe. Driving is not the time to be selfish. It’s the time to be alert.

Thanks for stopping by,